tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62152532125736732932024-03-13T07:50:00.905-07:00PUZZLE PIECESMy Miscellaneous
and
Random ThoughtsRosa Elmore Fergusonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09462055374364425895noreply@blogger.comBlogger92125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215253212573673293.post-59614897312847769682011-09-08T12:11:00.000-07:002011-09-08T12:15:40.049-07:00This Is Me!It's taken me years to discover who I really and this is what I've come up with.<br /><br />I’m not an actress, although I have been performing in a scriptless play since I was five days old. Adoption, secrets and lies created the impersonator I’ve become.<br />I am not a singer but my heart cries out in perfect harmony with the chorus of adoptees who choose to moan and hum because words cannot always express the thoughts we share.<br /><br />I am however a Conceptualist. I think in the abstract. I create ideas based upon my experiences and the struggles of those around me. I see things as ideational structures that can be made into realizations.<br />Rosa Elmore Fergusonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09462055374364425895noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215253212573673293.post-73313216383696413482011-09-06T08:14:00.000-07:002011-09-06T08:29:34.545-07:00Fall CleaningAfter a 10 day vacation, I'm renewed mentally and physically. It's time to get back to the grind. As Tim Gunn would say on Project Runway "make it work people!" That's what I need to do; make it work. I need to get back to the things that matter, the things that will help me in the long run. I need to clean out the old things that hinder my ability to obtain the new, whether it be clothes, shoes, books, kitchen items and whatever else is causing clutter. We often talk about spring cleaning, this year I'm going to do the fall cleaning.<br /><br />Over the years I've accumulated JUNK! Today is the day to start letting go. If I haven't looked at it in a year or more, it's out! I'm even cleaning out contacts on my email list and my FB friends list. If I haven't heard from you in a year or I haven't contacted you in a year, you've got to go! It may be a good idea for all of us to get rid of the things we don't need. <br /><br />One of the most important things I'm getting rid of will be my bad habits: overeating, eating bread, eating sweets, and lack of exercise.<br /><br />Fall is my new spring cleaning time! Rosa Elmore Fergusonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09462055374364425895noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215253212573673293.post-6483365097051549102011-09-05T05:42:00.000-07:002011-09-05T05:44:14.688-07:00Happy Labor DayHave a Happy Labor Day! Rosa Elmore Fergusonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09462055374364425895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215253212573673293.post-48703687720581615352011-09-01T06:10:00.001-07:002011-09-01T07:18:35.055-07:00Saying GraceThis morning while eating breakfast at the hotel, I noticed two men probably in Atlanta for a work related meeting, convention or conference. As they sat down to eat one man politely bowed his head as the other one ravenously dug into his food as though he hadn't eaten in quite some time. The man stayed with his head bowed for what seemed like hours. It was as though he was having a long long talk with God. Perhaps he was giving thanks for the cook, the chickens that laid the eggs, the plants that had given their lives to provide the herbs and spices used to season the food and the grocery store where the food was purchased. At another table full of people, I witnessed one person close her eyes quickly and open them as though embarrassed to be seen giving thanks for her bounty.<br /><br />How often do we think about giving thanks but someone interrupts us and we stop praying? How many times are we with someone who doesn't give thanks and we simply start eating because they do? I have to admit there was a time I found myself embarrassed to bow my head in public and say grace, but that was long before I knew how good God is to wake me up every morning and provide me with food to eat. There were times in my life that I didn't have money to buy a meal and had to borrow money I knew I couldn't pay back. There were times the Lord sent somebody to me who asked me and my kids out to dinner just when I was wondering what I could scrape up to eat. The bible says "I will bless the LORD at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth." (Psalm 34:1) Regardless of who we eat with or eat in front of, we cannot be ashamed to give thanks.<br /><br />"For whosoever shall be ashamed of me and of my words, of him shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he shall come in his own glory, and in his Father's, and of the holy angels. Luke 9:26<br /><br /><br />Rosa Elmore Fergusonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09462055374364425895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215253212573673293.post-82192181869813019772011-08-31T06:05:00.000-07:002011-08-31T06:33:37.472-07:00Robert Thompson: When Death Hits Close To Home<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrSQrX2H_NsVAS58H1TqBTwZye4CLnVZNgdakHL9KFiWlhtqgAiP3KAhRZa5yiysedcuuO7SM5mEDxL2V2Y6cKGhUD1tfMh-we1BIYcI4c9feC8AJRdNlElAKOvF28Z635BCMS-mHMEa4/s1600/Robert+Thompson.png"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 182px; height: 120px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrSQrX2H_NsVAS58H1TqBTwZye4CLnVZNgdakHL9KFiWlhtqgAiP3KAhRZa5yiysedcuuO7SM5mEDxL2V2Y6cKGhUD1tfMh-we1BIYcI4c9feC8AJRdNlElAKOvF28Z635BCMS-mHMEa4/s200/Robert+Thompson.png" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5647010136658622050" /></a><br />Today, I awakened early to put a post on Facebook to give encouragement to a family who tragically and unexpectedly lost one of their loved ones only to find out I had lost a dear friend and relative. I have to admit I was shaken to the core over his untimely passing. And although I hated to receive the news on a Facebook post, I'm thankful because I still haven't heard from any of my family members informing me that he had died. <br /><br />I was recently hospitalized three times in three months for a devastating and potentially life threatening illness and thought "there but for the grace of God, go I." When i saw the post on FB, I was saddened, then I found myself getting angry over the fact that none of my friends or family members bothered to call me to personally give me the news, then a "peace that passed all understanding" fell over me because what's done is done and I can't change it.<br /><br />There are five stages of grief we go through: the first is denial. I can't deny the fact that God decided to take my loved one home. Number two is anger. Are we really angry that the person died or are we angry because of the reactions or non reactions of others (in my case, no one contacting me). The third stage is bargaining. I have nothing to bargain with. Would I trade places with the one who God has chosen to take home, probably not. The fourth stage is depression. I can't allow myself to become depressed as it wouldn't serve any purpose. Also it could cause me health problems I'm not prepared to deal with. And the fifth is acceptance. In just a few short hours, I've accepted my cousin's passing because I know he had completed everything God had for him to do on earth. There were more things I wish my cousin and friend could have done but it wasn't up to me.<br /><br />I pray for his mother, his children and grandchildren. I pray for his friends and loved ones. I pray for the city of Muncie who just lost a valuable asset to their community. <br /><br />This is another one "gone too soon"Rosa Elmore Fergusonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09462055374364425895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215253212573673293.post-34638962397427330932011-08-29T15:05:00.001-07:002011-08-29T15:15:43.991-07:00Name ChageOn Sunday I changed the name of my blog site to Puzzle Pieces. I had grown weary of writing in a blog that read Just A Sleigh Ride Away (from finding myself). I was finding myself, I just didn't realize it. I thought by searching for my birth mother, I would find out more about myself. What I learned was that it wasn't the search that allowed me to find me, it was the ability to discuss being adopted openly and without fear of hurting some body's feeling. Keeping quiet only served to hurt me.<br /><br />All of us have opinions about everything, they remind me of pieces of a puzzle. But unless those opinions are given a voice the puzzle will never be complete, questions will never be asked and answers will never be discovered. Today while out and riding I saw a church sign that read "Is life a puzzle? Ask God for the missing piece." That was enough confirmation to let me know I had changed my blog site name to the right one. <br /><br />All we need to do is ask God, He's the answer to every puzzle.Rosa Elmore Fergusonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09462055374364425895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215253212573673293.post-27922702243906365932011-08-27T20:31:00.000-07:002011-08-27T20:46:55.762-07:00NAME CHANGE!My blog name has been changed!!! I created this blog in an effort to discuss my feelings about finding my birth mother L. Sleigh. I'm sure you all got as tired of reading about those thoughts as I did writing them! While blogging under the old name of Just A Sleigh Ride Away (from finding myself)I happen to find myself! <br /><br />So now I will blog about various topics and life in general. Our random thoughts are pieces to a larger puzzle, we all have them. The puzzle will never be complete if we don't give those thoughts a voice. I hope you will find my opinions exciting enough to continue following me. And those who haven't clicked the 'join this site' button, please do, I just may talk about something you want to hold a conversation about. I may even say something you wanted to say but were too shy to do so!<br /><br />Be blessed and more importantly be a blessing!<br /><br />Rosa<br /><br />Rosa Elmore Fergusonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09462055374364425895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215253212573673293.post-14627748229818805692011-08-26T14:15:00.000-07:002011-08-27T18:50:22.221-07:00Kimberly R. Nelson<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi29LUomUNJAp7bJY1DyrRzRaRkNJmRLBUXLNboNpd63BsTzoOz-UYKe62twvMch8k7R-Ve-KhHl62dOWgDr9vpaGsIcDTrV11-CycYI49yzyQW8r6CuFyZR7S3B6CMQfJ9zxnvXsWGTHU/s1600/Kimberly+R.+Nelson.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 134px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi29LUomUNJAp7bJY1DyrRzRaRkNJmRLBUXLNboNpd63BsTzoOz-UYKe62twvMch8k7R-Ve-KhHl62dOWgDr9vpaGsIcDTrV11-CycYI49yzyQW8r6CuFyZR7S3B6CMQfJ9zxnvXsWGTHU/s200/Kimberly+R.+Nelson.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5645717215171239026" /></a><br />Today I'm sad! Residents of Muncie, Indiana (my home town) have been searching for Kimberly R. Nelson, a 40 year old mother of two. This past week they found her body, hanging from a low branch on a tree and on her knees. I just don't believe she would hang herself. She had a great job, a boyfriend who loved her. Her mother and father were still living and more importantly she was the mother of 2 children. I refuse to believe she would decide to take her own life.<br /><br />Now that her death has been called a suicide there will be no searching for the person or persons who may have had something to do with her death. They claim she walked approximately a mile on a walking trail and then ventured 200 yards into the woods where she met her demise (supposedly).<br /><br />How often do we hear of women walking along a trail get attacked and possibly murdered. I've seen the FBI get involved for a lot less. Why are the authorities in Muncie so quick to say this was a suicide? Is it because she is a woman of color and missing women of color are treated much differently? I'm angry about this. I wish this had a different ending. I don't know Kimberly R. Nelson but I pray God gives her family the strength to get through this most trying time and a peace that passes all understanding. My heart and prayers go out to them.Rosa Elmore Fergusonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09462055374364425895noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215253212573673293.post-44495927063582692272011-08-15T19:55:00.000-07:002011-08-15T20:15:54.168-07:00Lord, Help Me Bite My TongueSet a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips (Psalm 141.3) Lord, I need you to do this for me right now! We claim we do things "out of the goodness of our hearts" but do we really? How many times have you done something and gotten angry because someone else took the credit for it? How long do we stay angry about it? Most importantly, how many times has that anger made us miss out on the blessing God had in store for us during that time? I have to admit that from time to time, it gets to me and it did tonight. But I'm not going to let it take control. I'm moving on. Oh, I'll keep doing what I do, but once I do it, it's done and I go to the next adventure God has for me!<br /><br />I remember a song that Walter Hawkins used to sing called Whatever It is (It Won't Let Me Hold My Peace). The song says, "whatever it is, it makes me love my enemies." <br /><br />So Lord, tonight keep the door of my lips and please set a watch before my mouth. <br /><br />Be blessed and more importantly be a blessing. I'm out!Rosa Elmore Fergusonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09462055374364425895noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215253212573673293.post-32873529781691895352011-08-12T10:16:00.000-07:002011-08-12T10:58:01.347-07:00Getting OlderI had the opportunity to talk to a dear friend this morning about their aging parent. Most of us have been there and those who haven't will be one day. Our parents, if still alive, are getting older. The ability to deal with an aging parent isn't easy and your duties may change from day to day. Some day you may be a caregiver, some days, you may be their child, sometimes, you will be their friend; the dynamics are constantly changing. We have to keep in mind that as our parents age, their health, their attitudes, and their feelings, may change. We are expected to be able to deal with all of those issues and it's hard to keep up with all of the changes.<br /><br />I worked with a man years ago who made a statement I will never forget. He said that he was afraid of growing old and if he lived passed 75, he would commit suicide. I thought what he said was strange, but as I grow older I understand better what he was trying to convey. Now don't get me wrong, I have no intentions of ever killing myself, but the older I get, the more afraid I become of what my body will or won't do. What he said made me think. As a person ages they can become more and more cantankerous and we don't know from one day to the next what mood they will be in. Keep in mind they too may be afraid of what is happening to them. Their bodies are changing, their eye sight is probably changing. They may not be able to hear as well as they used to. Their words may not come out the way they want them to. They may be afraid of dying. I'm not talking about the fear of going to heaven or hell (that's a different subject) but the actual physicality of not being here. And because we never know when death will come, everyday to them, could be their last. <br /><br />Most of us can't run out and obtain a college degree in how to deal with the aged, but we can imagine what we will feel like when we get to be our parent's age. Afterall, growing old is right around the corner for a lot of us and for some of us, it's on the same street.Rosa Elmore Fergusonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09462055374364425895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215253212573673293.post-57117408393031227242011-08-10T12:54:00.000-07:002011-08-10T13:58:30.213-07:00GoodbyesIn January, I lost a friend; a very dear friend. She was older than me. In fact, she was about the same age as my birth mother. She was sick for a while but her dying came so suddenly and so unexpectedly. All these months later, I still hurt at the mention of her. She was the person who made me feel loved like a daughter. She spoke about things I could've never talked to my adoptive mother about. I often wonder what kind of relationship my birth mother and I would have had. Would we have been distant, speaking only when things were good or when things were bad? Would we have laughed with each other or even at each other when appropriate. I didn't get the opportunity to tell her goodbye. <br /><br />I have the same feeling about losing her as I do my birth mother. I never got to say goodbye. I never had the chance to say godbye to the woman whose womb I developed in. I never got to experience the essence of my mother's fragrance; the scent I became accustomed to while growing in the dark space of her being. I never got to behold her face or feel the warmth of being rocked in the cradle of her arms. All of those factors were the influences on my wellspring that made me what I've become. But what would I have been had I grown up with my birth mother? What could I have been? Am I the best that I could be? I've heard it said we can never be 100% of anything if we don't know the percentage we started with. Without having the information about my biology, I may never know the portion of the amount I'm dealing with.<br /><br />As a child, we didn't talk about me being adopted so I didn't know how to process the feelings that I'm now dealing with. I couldn't truly appreciate the love my adoptive parents had for me and I'm sure they loved me, but the love my older friend showed me allowed me to finally feel what every daughter should feel. Thank you Mama Janet.Rosa Elmore Fergusonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09462055374364425895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215253212573673293.post-21182785629024978532011-08-07T11:45:00.000-07:002011-08-07T12:42:35.208-07:00Another Beautiful Sonday/Learning to ListenI have to admit, I haven't gotten a lot done today but sometimes the body and the mind just need to rest. We clutter our lives with so many things we don't give ourselves the time we need to heal and rejuvenate. There are times we need to sit back, relax, drink a cup of hot tea, play some soothing music and listen to our own thoughts. God will speak to us in the midst of our thoughts. He may be ready to tell you something you need to hear; a blessing you've been blocking, a break through, maybe even a set up for a come back! I'm a list writer, in fact, just this morning I discovered that my list writing has become an obsession because I found lists in three or four different places in my house. Some of the lists were duplicates of other lists. I bring up the lists because they prove my mind is too cluttered; so filled with "junk" I have to write things down to keep from forgetting. Who has time to do that much thinking. The lists showed me my mind needs to rest. Simply rest!<br /><br />I noticed too that I keep several televisions on everyday as though I'm afraid of missing something. I have missed something; me! Perhaps we need to turn off the distractions such as television and digital games so we can hear our thoughts. We need to "fix" ourselves so we can be a blessing to others. If it's not meant for us to hep others, we can at least be open to listening to them. By putting yourselves out there for others, we open the doors to our acts of favor from God. I'm amazed daily at how God has truly had mercy on me, even through times of tribulation, He was blessing me. <br /><br />So big ups to another beautiful Sonday! Thanks again God for another day!Rosa Elmore Fergusonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09462055374364425895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215253212573673293.post-31546008632874956592011-08-03T16:56:00.001-07:002011-08-03T16:57:11.618-07:00ApologiesI will never, I repeat, I will never apologize for the life God has blessed me with. And I will not give anyone permission to try to steal my joy. I celebrate everyday the blessings I have been entrusted with. I celebrate Him for those things that would normally bring me to my knees. Jeremiah 1:5 tells me He knew me before He formed me in my mother's womb and He and only He knew what I could handle. And just when it seems the load is too heavy to bear and I've gone as far as I could, He steps in and gives me the strength to keep on going. I praise Him for my setbacks because those are the setups for comebacks. I will bless the Lord at all times: His praise shall continually be in my mouth (Psalm 34:1). <br /><br />I will apologize only to God for not taking time to thank Him oten enough for continually blessing me. According to John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." What father would do that? No human father that I know of; only God. I don't want to sound preachy but He's brought me from a mighty long way.<br /><br />To my birth father, I love you. I wish we could've known each other. I often wonder if you ever knew about me. I've been a secret on so many levels. But to God I was no secret nor was I a mistake. <br /><br />And for all of that I thank Him!Rosa Elmore Fergusonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09462055374364425895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215253212573673293.post-43873497994240900752011-07-31T06:44:00.000-07:002011-07-31T07:00:18.699-07:00A Great Sonday!There's something about Sunday that's so peaceful and so relaxing. It's a day of praise and worship, a day of replenishing and refreshing. It's a time to talk to God and more importantly it's time to listen to what He has to say to you. Other days of the week are so hectic, it's hard to take time to listen. <br /><br />A good Christian friend of mine used to complain about not finding a job, a man, her health, a life and anything else she could find to complain about. I had to remind her that not having those things was God's way of speaking to her; telling her there was something else she should be doing. Recently she moved to help her elderly parent who had health issues and although she has complaints about that, it was what God was telling her to do. So much time is wasted when we ignore God's word.<br /><br />We have to listen, we have to be obedient and we have to freely give to those who have less than we have. Remember Matthew 25:40 tells us "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'<br /><br />God speaks on Sunday morning but He is talking to us all of the time, we just have to listen.<br /><br />Be blessed today and more importantly, be a blessing. Have a great Sonday!Rosa Elmore Fergusonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09462055374364425895noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215253212573673293.post-3822746812234225612011-07-30T05:39:00.000-07:002011-07-30T05:46:19.965-07:00Change of PlansMuch to your delight and my (I think) my post on this blog will not just be about adoption, finding my birth mother, being angry etc. Since my recent illness, I have decided that life if much too short to dwell on those things you have no control over. I have opinions about everything and knowledge about a lot of things. So I'm expanding my horizons and talking about other things that are on my mind.<br /><br />Today my thoughts are on the people who use "I've got plenty of nothin' and nothin's plenty for me" as their theme song. They have nothing and they want nothing. That's not the song I want in my head all day, I hope it's not the song you're listening to.<br /><br />That's it for today. <br /><br />(Maybe L. Sleigh will start looking for me) Rosa Elmore Fergusonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09462055374364425895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215253212573673293.post-33903849959627268912011-07-20T18:48:00.000-07:002011-07-20T18:51:16.335-07:00Another Productive Day!Thank God for feeling better. I've gotten so much done in the last few days. Maybe it's because I'm not doing Facebook! There's something to be said about a social network that is so addictive you find yourself on it most of the day. Life is too short for that. Rosa Elmore Fergusonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09462055374364425895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215253212573673293.post-46827366972650614092011-07-19T06:27:00.000-07:002011-07-19T06:30:07.043-07:00It's Been Awhile!Sorry I haven't posted anything lately but I've been in and out of the hospital during the past three months. Happy to say I'm feeling much better but have a long long way to go to get back to normal. Pray for me. I will start posting my thoughts again soon. I promise!Rosa Elmore Fergusonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09462055374364425895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215253212573673293.post-10116662189067396492011-06-23T06:56:00.000-07:002011-06-23T07:06:12.702-07:00Your TurnThis post will be short and sweet but straight to the point; L. Sleigh I'm tired of looking for you. It's your turn. Your turn to spend restless nights wondering who you are. Your turn to to search databases and court records to find me. Your turn to spend thousands of dollars to try to find me. Your turn to wonder if I think about you. Your turn to make cold calls to people who may know me or something about me. Your turn to have doors slammed in your face. Your turn to suffer illnesses caused by the "not knowing" Your turn to wonder how I'm doing without you. Your turn to think how I may have done if you had been in my life. Your turn to feel the pain of having a hole in your heart.<br /><br />It's your turn L. Sleigh. Rosa Elmore Fergusonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09462055374364425895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215253212573673293.post-8433578895936124202011-06-20T07:08:00.001-07:002011-06-20T07:20:34.190-07:00Untitled (On Purpose)Today's thoughts are not about anything in particular just some random thoughts I wanted to share with you. <br /><br />I went to Atlanta over the weekend and as we rode through Birmingham AL we were able to see some of the destruction from the recent tornado. Devastating to say the least. My prayers go out to those who lost loved ones and suffered unspeakable damage.<br /><br />Today I've decided to give in to the power of "right now" I'm going to quit dwelling on the past and stressing the future. <br /><br />I have plans to start walking and drinking water.<br /><br />I'm going to clean out my closet and get rid of stuff I just don't wear anymore.<br /><br />Venus Williams looked like her old self this morning!<br /><br />I am going to finish LOVED TO DEATH: The City Awakens<br /><br />I'm going to finish reading THE HELP by Kathryn Stockett<br /><br />Okay that's all for now, but I may have to add to my random thoughts <br /><br />Rosa Elmore Fergusonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09462055374364425895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215253212573673293.post-48510648295032878222011-05-14T08:09:00.000-07:002011-05-14T08:29:26.815-07:00Health As Related To AdoptionWe've all heard about the "twin thing" where identical twins feel each other's pains and emotions. We've even heard about it happening with mothers and daughters and fathers and sons. So my question is this: does my birth mother feel my emotions and my pain? Could the times I've been at my lowest ebb been as a result of me feeling my birth mother's pain or my birth father's emotions. I've given a lot of thought to feelings and pains in the last few weeks because of some medical issues I'm dealing with. If only I could be made aware of the medical history of my birth mother or father, perhaps some of my issues could be prevented.<br /><br />I saw a television show the other day where the baby was taken from the birth mom because the mother was sixteen years old. That I can understand but my birth mother was 19 when she had me. An adult. Someone who could've made decisions for herself. Had she wanted me she could've kept me and raised me on her own. These thoughts are the ones that cause me the most pain. Pain and negative emotions affect and effect our health. The altered state that is created by removing a child from its' biological root causes negativity and negativity causes our bodies to react in ways our minds can't comprehend and vice versa: our minds can't always identify what the body is telling it and thus, illnesses are formed.<br /><br />My prayer is that the next birth mom who gets pregnant and decides that for whatever reason that she doesn't want, can't keep or shouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place, decides to give her child away to possible complete strangers, she will think about the effect she has had on her child's future health.<br /><br />Think about it L. Sleigh as I go to surgery next week.<br /><br />Perhaps I'm a Sleigh ride away from finding myself.Rosa Elmore Fergusonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09462055374364425895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215253212573673293.post-5024965930485070672011-05-08T17:21:00.000-07:002011-05-08T17:32:57.581-07:00Mother's DayBefore this Mother's Day comes to an end, I need to give love to my mother, the late Irene Thompson Elmore. I love you for adopting me, molding me, and nurturing me into the woman I am. I also have to give thanks to L. Sleigh for putting me up for adoption. I'm prayerful that L. Sleigh gave me up out of love and I pray Irene Elmore (and Clay Elmore) adopted me out of love. Though I may never know their reasons, on this day I feel blessed that the whatevers and the why fors fell in place the way they did. None of this could have happened if God were not involved and since God doesn't make mistakes, I know that everything was done properly.<br /><br />There are several other women that were part of my life and I feel this is a great time to give them honor:<br /><br />Janet Stovall Kemp (now deceased)<br />Imogene Pugh<br />Evelyn Wilson<br /><br />There were many many more, and the fact I can't remember them all, blame that on my head and not my heart.<br /><br />Happy Mother's DayRosa Elmore Fergusonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09462055374364425895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215253212573673293.post-88539361170872458752011-04-22T07:54:00.000-07:002011-04-22T08:48:58.327-07:00UrgencyFor years finding my birth mother or any other information about my biology has been uppermost in my mind. I've wanted the information more out of curiosity than anything else. But as I get older and health problems are starting to plague my life, I need the information to find out if any of my issues are inherited and can possibly be passed on to my children and/or grandchildren. After taking some tests the other day which have the potential to have devasting results suddenly it's not so important to know my biology but living my best life ever.<br /><br />In just a few days, I've learned that I need to live my life with an urgency I've never felt before. It's now important to get those books written, sing the songs I want to sing, dance the dances and other literal and figurative goals I want to accomplish. I can't worry about anything that I can't solve and those things i think I can solve, I will do so only if I choose to. I now understand that everyone's problems are not mine to fix. There was a plaque on a relative's wall that will forever be ingrained in my mind: "The failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part." So there will be times I will tell people I can't help them period or I can't help them at that particular time. I may even say I don't want to help them at all. I will be more selective about how I spend my time and who I spend my time with. I will spend more time being positive, reading my bible and in prayer.<br /><br />I am going to have to take of me first! I am going to live to live.Rosa Elmore Fergusonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09462055374364425895noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215253212573673293.post-37891418071834151052011-04-15T08:47:00.000-07:002011-04-17T10:14:25.790-07:00Undying Love/Undying GratitudeThere was a time that talking about being adopted was taboo. Now that my adoptive mother and father are deceased I talk about being adopted to whatever audience I can find. An older lady who knew my mother and father, upon hearing that I was looking for my birth mother, called me and told me "your mother and father loved you much". Okay, and???? Was that supposed to mean that I had no rights to my past? Searching for my biology doesn't repudiate their love for me nor mine for them. It simply means I am one of those who wants to know where I came from.<br /><br />I understand those who don't want to know and wholeheartedly applaude them. I pray for the time when knowing my birth mother no longer matters to me. But right now, I have the need to know. When I talk to you about finding my biology please don't give me reasons why I shouldn't. You can tell me you don't want to have that conversation with me but don't nullify my feelings by trying to explain them away. The one thing that sticks in my crawl and just won't seem to let go is somebody trying to clarify (to me) what I'm saying. I don't need you to rationalize, analyze, or translate anything. If you can help me resolve the need by giving me information about my biology then please feel free to do so. But I will no longer stay silent, closemouthed or unheard about my feelings.<br /><br />Yes I am grateful to Clay C. and Irene (Thompson) Elmore for adopting me. I love them and I felt the love they had for me. I owe them a debt of gratitude for adopting me and giving me the best life they knew how to give. However, that love and gratitude won't let me forgive them for not getting more information about how I came to be in order to enlighten me if/when the time came. <br /><br />Adoptive parents, yes and that includes those who think they will never have issues with their children, get the information for your child(ren). If you never need it..fine but if/when you do, you'll have it handy and may be able to save yourselves the heartache of having a child who may never be able to forgive you.Rosa Elmore Fergusonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09462055374364425895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215253212573673293.post-90282648832744607062011-04-13T18:01:00.000-07:002011-04-15T10:38:09.315-07:00The Real Truths RevealedUp until now I've tried to be as politically correct as I can be in sharing my feelings. But in order to tell how I have been impacted by adoption, I have to dig deep. Some people who read my feelings won't agree with me, but please remember these are MY thoughts.<br /><br />Let's get started. If my adoptive mother had her way, everyone she knew would have adopted a baby. And just about everyone she knew did indeed adopt. She had a friend in Indianapolis who kept her up to date on babies that had been relinquished. Now I don't know how my mother knew so many people who wanted to adopt or if she was browbeating her friends into taking this "unwanted" children. But everywhere I turned in Muncie, someone had been adopted by one of my mother and father's friends.<br /><br />If we take a look at the dynamics of the above paragraph, wouldn't it stand to reason that my mother would have/should have known more about where I came from. I have to think she did know. But when she died whatever information she had, she took it with her. Am I angry? Heck to the yeah I'm angry...in fact, I'm downright mad! <br /><br />Come on adoptive parents, tell the truth. Tell the children you vowed to take care of the truth. Their future depends on it.Rosa Elmore Fergusonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09462055374364425895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215253212573673293.post-32559093461352636192011-04-13T14:47:00.001-07:002011-04-13T17:58:56.217-07:00Dead SecretsI think it is so sad when people die with the information that may set someone free. What would it hurt to tell someone where they came from? I accept the fact they may not have known what was needed but if they did I wish they would have told it. So many people go to their graves with secrets that hold the key to open up a whole new and different world for someone. This is true not only in the world of adoption but happens on a regular basis. Why all the secrecy in the first place? I'm so surprised that no one has come forward to tell me something they may have heard years ago about my biology. They talk about everything else but no one, I mean absolutely no one has given me a snippit of information. Well I take that back a person assigned to me by the state who had my information in her hands could only give me the information I already knew! I could have guessed and guessed until I was blue in the face but she wasn't releasing what I was hoping for.<br /><br />Perhaps the people that are holding on to the whys and wherefores never thought technology would catch up to some of that information. Technology has caught up with information that is entered by humans. So if no humans have the information, then it can't be loaded. It's a cruel and vicious cycle and it has to be broken.Rosa Elmore Fergusonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09462055374364425895noreply@blogger.com0