On Christmas morning I woke up without finding L. Sleigh under my tree. Am I angry? No, not anymore. I'm disappointed however. Will I stop waiting for her? No, I'll continue to sit up on Christmas Eve awaiting the arrival of Santa Claus so I can receive the gift of my roots. But as 2010 draws to an end, I will move on to bigger and better things beside waiting for a mother who doesn't know I exist or refuses to acknowledge me. L. Sleigh will not be who I think about all year long. I will not focus on her.
Instead in 2011 I will meet self imposed deadlines to complete manuscripts I've started. I will lose the same ten to fifteen pounds I've lost and gained several times before. I will make better decisions than I have in the past. I will take better care of my health. I will drink water. I will not commit myself to things I don't want to do. I will be able to say no if it's necessary. I will continue to help others but I will be more focused on Rosa. I won't apologize for things I'm not sorry for. I will stand up for myself when people try to take advantage of my kindness. In other words I'm going to do me. I'm going to find out what God desires from me and walk into my destiny.
So I'm warning everyone now...in 2011, I will be a different person! I'm getting it together for 2011!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Friday, December 24, 2010
Santa and His Sleigh
Tonight little children will anxiously await the arrival of Santa Claus. He will supposedly arrive in his gleaming red sleigh pulled by eight reindeer. He will get the credit for all good things that happen between tonight and tomorrow morning. I too, will anxiously await the arrival of a Sleigh. I will wake up early tomorrow with great anticipation that L. Sleigh has remembered that she gave birth to a baby girl named Infant Sleigh and will be sitting in my living room.
I pray the kids will get exactly what they are asking for and won't suffer the same disappointment I've felt every Christmas in the past. I'm watching the movie Holiday Affair where little Timmy thinks the Red Rocket Express train his mother bought for the store where she works is for him. In reality, the mother bought her son a sensible suit. Imagine his disappointment when he opens his gift. That is the kind of letdown that takes your breath away. It's a deep heartfelt sense of loss.
L. Sleigh is probably suffering too and I pray for her healing over the loss of a child. I wonder if she sits by the Christmas tree waiting for Santa Claus to drop me off.
I pray the kids will get exactly what they are asking for and won't suffer the same disappointment I've felt every Christmas in the past. I'm watching the movie Holiday Affair where little Timmy thinks the Red Rocket Express train his mother bought for the store where she works is for him. In reality, the mother bought her son a sensible suit. Imagine his disappointment when he opens his gift. That is the kind of letdown that takes your breath away. It's a deep heartfelt sense of loss.
L. Sleigh is probably suffering too and I pray for her healing over the loss of a child. I wonder if she sits by the Christmas tree waiting for Santa Claus to drop me off.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Infant Sleigh
Christmas time is upon us, seemingly with more quickness than in years past. And although I love the season, I don't participate as much as I should. My excuse is because my husband and I give to our children and grandchildren all year long, any gift we would give at Christmas would just be token gifts at best. After spending this year talking about my being adopted to anyone who would listen, I finally feel free enough to take part in some of the festivities. I actually put up a tree and my husband and I are exchanging gifts.
Why didn't I like the Christmas season you are probably asking, could it be that my birth name caused me a certain amount of anxiety during this time of the year. Sleigh...I mean who in the heck has the last name Sleigh? All I think of when I say my birth name is Santa Clause and the reindeer. Well actually that's not all I think of, it takes me back to my birth and subsequent adoption.
I have a picture of myself that appeared in The Chattanooga Observer titled "What's in a Name?" The article was placed in the paper when I as a little girl attended my maternal grandparents anniversary party with my parents. The picture is actually the one you see on my blog. The article was about my being named after both of my grandmothers: Rosa Robinson Thompson and Louise Matthews Elmore. I have worn the names proudly and pray that both grandmothers would be pleased that I brought no disgrace to their names. But I still have to pay homage to my birth name, Sleigh. Afterall that is really who I am.
Have a Merry Merry Christmas! Perhaps the Sleigh ride will end under the Christmas tree this year!
Why didn't I like the Christmas season you are probably asking, could it be that my birth name caused me a certain amount of anxiety during this time of the year. Sleigh...I mean who in the heck has the last name Sleigh? All I think of when I say my birth name is Santa Clause and the reindeer. Well actually that's not all I think of, it takes me back to my birth and subsequent adoption.
I have a picture of myself that appeared in The Chattanooga Observer titled "What's in a Name?" The article was placed in the paper when I as a little girl attended my maternal grandparents anniversary party with my parents. The picture is actually the one you see on my blog. The article was about my being named after both of my grandmothers: Rosa Robinson Thompson and Louise Matthews Elmore. I have worn the names proudly and pray that both grandmothers would be pleased that I brought no disgrace to their names. But I still have to pay homage to my birth name, Sleigh. Afterall that is really who I am.
Have a Merry Merry Christmas! Perhaps the Sleigh ride will end under the Christmas tree this year!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Fear
We now know that the bonding between a birth mother and the adoptee starts in utero and once the umbilical cord is cut that bonding is severed. It's hard for an adoptee to bond with the adoptive parents: not impossible, but it takes hard work to make it work. Okay, the thought I had is what if the adoptive parents find it hard to bond with the adoptee because of the fear that the child could be removed from their care?
We see television shows where the birth mother has come back at the last possible minute to reclaim the child she just tried to relinquish. Now will that birth mother be a good mother? How can someone who just a few minutes ago didn't want a baby or thought they couldn't take care of it or whatever reason suddenly think keeping the baby will change things. I can see why adoptive parents are a little standoffish with this new family member; fear.
It kind of allows me to see things a little differently. Just random thoughts, but those thoughts are what keeps the Sleigh ride's motor running.
We see television shows where the birth mother has come back at the last possible minute to reclaim the child she just tried to relinquish. Now will that birth mother be a good mother? How can someone who just a few minutes ago didn't want a baby or thought they couldn't take care of it or whatever reason suddenly think keeping the baby will change things. I can see why adoptive parents are a little standoffish with this new family member; fear.
It kind of allows me to see things a little differently. Just random thoughts, but those thoughts are what keeps the Sleigh ride's motor running.
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