Monday, May 17, 2010

Unfinished Business

I have been threatening for years to go back to school and complete my degree to no avail. I keep going back to school and for one reason or another, and I never finish. That's been the story of my life. Unfinished business. I start something, I stop. I start something else, I stop. This has gone on and on and on forever. I think it has something to do with me being adopted. Because I can't find my genealogy, I think I have a mental block about the rest of my life.

Of course, no one but me cares if I back to school or not, so when I say I've been threatening, it's only myself I'm hurting. How do I equate my unfinished business with being adopted? First of all, I blame everything on my being adopted. But I think it's because my life has been such a lie I'm afraid of finality.

Now I have been able to complete some things. For instance, I raised 2 sets of twins. I wrote and published two short stories. And I guess if I thought long and hard enough about it, I'd find some other accomplishments I've achieved. Yet those accomplishments have never been enough to sustain me. Finding myself is what will keep me going, moving toward a goal.

Okay, now I've decided to go back to school! I've said it publicly. I'm committed. Perhaps I am finding myself now. Maybe it won't take finding my birth mother for me to move forward. Maybe I am now just a Sleigh ride from finding me!


  1. Rosa, you've found yourself, if you believe the Word of God in Ps. 139 - "fearfully and wonderfully made." Life is a road of challenges; each person deals with his or her "monsters."

    The enemy of your soul - the devil - will always use this adoption thing to beat you over the head with it. If your birth mother/father walked in the door today, the enemy will make you bitter, wondering - "why couldn't this had happened earlier in my life."

    You are who you are today because of your past. You can say your life would have been different "if", but you really don't know.

  2. Profound words of wisdom my friend!!!! A word to the wise is sufficient as my mother used to say. The devil is the enemy but God is using my adoption for my good and for the good of others. I am so grateful for my experience. I forget who it was that said "I wouldn't take anything for my jouney" That's how I feel because everything has happened for a time such as this. Thank you my Friend for starting me on my blogging journey. It has been such a release for me. I am now working my the 3rd book in the LOVED TO DEATH series with all of the vim and vigor I can muster up!