Friday, September 24, 2010


I'm watching a TLC show called Hoarding: Buried Alive and as the psychologists talk to the women buried alive by the clutter in their homes, I now realize my mind is cluttered with too much "stuff." Trying to find my birth mother, trying to finish this third short story, trying to go back to school, trying to stay pain free, trying to lose weight... trying, trying, trying. I now know that the things I've never been able to finish were neglected because my mind and my heart were cluttered with a lot of unnecessary junk.

It is okay for us to say "no." We can't please everyone, a lesson I've yet to learn. If you say "yes" to everything and everyone, you have no time left for yourself. That adds to the unnecessary clutter in our lives. Clutter will overtake you if you allow it. And just in case you don't know if your mind is cluttered, think of it this way..if you think of things you need to get done during the day and you spend more time thinking of how to do them than you do getting them done. You've wasted an entire day doing absolutely nothing: that's too much clutter.

The clutter in our minds also take time away from our loved ones. If you spend more time on the job, at church, in night clubs, social clubs, dating, etc. than you spend with family members who are important to you, you are probably leading a cluttered life.

We have to become more cognizant of whom or what we allow in our lives. I heard someone say "be careful who you let rent space in your mind." Now that I know what's cluttering my life, I'm going to rid myself of those things. Perhaps then, the Sleigh ride will end.

Monday, September 13, 2010


A Facebook friend of mine just asked me if I was at a particular store at a particular time. She told me she had seen someone who looked like me. I wasn't there, but she said the person looked so much like me, she stopped her and asked the woman if her name was Rosa. She said the woman was polite but told her "no." I've always heard we all have a twin somewhere. Somebody somewhere looks just like us.

If I had been at the store and got the chance to see my "stranger twin" I would've asked her if she was born in the month of May and if she was adopted. In my search for my biology, I have come across several people who say they know someone I resemble. I always ask them if they know if that person is adopted. It's a strange conversation to have but it's the kind of nonsensical banter I've carried on since I was 16.

Trying to find out the facts of my adoption has been one of the hardest things for me to go through. It's like going to the doctor with a medical complaint and the doctor doesn't believe you. I know I have another family out there but because of all the secrecy it's like I never existed. I know it's a strange concept and only another adoptee would know what it feels like.

We've heard of the story where a man and woman work together for years only to find out later they are biological brother and sister. Or the two women worked together and find out they are birth mother and daughter. So it can happen: I could walk up on someone and they could actually be part of my birth family.

All of this is part of the Sleigh Ride...

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


I watched Glee last night for the first time ever and there was a mother on the show trying to make contact with the daughter she had given up for adoption. What a great day it would be if my birth mom decided to look for me! But I think I'm coming to the conclusion that she was told I was stillborn at birth. I just can't imagine that all of these years have gone by and she hasn't tried to reach out to me.

I've given birth to four children and although we don't speak to each other everyday, I cannot imagine my life without them. Of course, there were days that I wanted to give them up for adoption while they were growing up, but it was a passing thought. It was nothing I would ever act on. I realize there are times when adoption is the best option. But once the mother is old enough that those barriers no longer exist, then she should start looking for the son or daughter she felt forced to relinquish.

There are too many search registries, too many television shows, too many headlines to remind a birth mother of that time. Surely, she has had to think about me. If I had ever been forced to give up a baby for adoption, as soon as I knew that child was 18 years of age, I'd be on the hunt of my life. But that's just me. Perhaps my birth mom has a heart of stone.

Maybe I'll never know... so the Sleigh ride continues.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Back in the Saddle Again!

Labor Day has come and gone and after a long overdue vacation, I'm back and ready to get this show back on the road. No, I didn't go anywhere, just took the liberty of doing absolutely nothing.

One of the things I've learned on this journey has been, the more my adoption was kept a secret, the greater my need was to find out everything I could about myself. Now that I am 41 years into the search, I'm finding out that the need to know is not as great. Don't get me wrong, I'm still anxious to learn everything I can about my biology but it's not the first thing I think about in the morning or the last thing I think about at night. That should be a lesson to adoptive parents, the more information you keep from your adoptive child, the more their curiosity will be piqued.

Find a way to discuss their adoption on a regular basis. No, I'm not talking about in every conversation, but make it an open subject. Let your child feel free to ask questions. And be ready with appropriate answers.

That's my thought for today, what are you thinking about?

Let the Sleigh ride begin again!