Sunday, June 27, 2010

Asking The Hard Questions(?)

You've got some serious issues lying just below the surface -- and they might be exerting more influence than you realize. It's a really good time for you to step up and ask some hard questions! This was my horoscope for today. Not that I allow my horoscope to dictate my life but since I starting reading them when I was around 15 or 16, I continue to do so out of habit. This particular horoscope caught my attention because it said I needed "to step up and ask some hard questions" Okay, so what have I been doing all of this time? Haven't I asked the questions I thought would get me the answers I was looking for? Yet still no answers. So maybe the horoscope is telling me I'm not asking the right people the hard questions. But who is left to ask? By now, my birth mom would be 76 years old, most of the people who may have the answers I need are now deceased and those who are left are not talking.

And just like my horoscope said, there are some issues lying just below the surface: not having the answers! And yes, those unanswered questions are exerting more influence on my life (my mind and my body). Okay, so maybe my horoscope is trying to tell me something. But why can't the horoscope come right out and say what it means. Trying to guess the message is tantamount to trying to find the answers to the questions I was trying to get answered in the first place. Since the horoscope thinks it's so smart, maybe they need to also give me the answers I need!

I'm so ready for this Sleigh ride to come to the end.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day to all of the fathers out there. R.I.P. Clay C. Elmore, my "real" father. You were such a great daddy. Happy Father's Day to the man who was the reason for my being conceived. With God, our Father... everyday is Happy Father's Day!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

I'm Not A Visitor!

I am not a visitor... I'm here to stay! I haven't always felt that way. I think the not knowing about my biology has been tantamount to living out of a suitcase and caused those feelings in me. I have always felt like a throw away; someone who could be bought and sold to the highest bidder. I just recently realized I'm here to stay! I'm learning to accept all of my flaws. I'm learning to accept compliments. I am accepting my talents and learning to do new and different things. I'm learning to accept me!

I've always said I like change, but now I know I liked to keep moving so no one could find me just to give me away again. Perhaps my birth mother has been looking for me all along but because I could never stay in one place for a long period of time, she may have missed me. I'm finally at the point where I can stay still. I'm not going anywhere. I still want to find L. Sleigh, but thank God, I'm finding myself!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Who, What, Why, When and Where

Is there ever any such thing as closure? Don't all of us have open ended underlying issues that we have to deal with? When I say I want to find and meet my birth mother and possibly my father, I'm not saying I want anything from them. Not friendship; I have friends, not parents; I had great parents, not money; well now, if you felt the need to pass some moolah along, I wouldn't complain. But we don't expect anything but to know the who, what, why, when, and where of it all.

Are birth parents afraid to come forward because they think we want something from them? Trust me when I say, we've really gotten over you being the mother or the father; we just need some questions answered. Now that's not to say we wouldn't accept friendship or whatever else you have to offer, but that's not the reason we look for you.

We're not trying to spoil your dirty little secret, but remember we've lived our lives as the "secret." If adoptees could get rid of the secrecy factor, reunions wouldn't be necessary, we'd have all of the closure we'd need. L. Sleigh I hope you're reading this so you know I don't want anything but answers.

Maybe I'm just a Sleigh ride away... well, you know the rest.

Mother and Daughter

Okay, I'm watching People's Court and an adoptee is suing her birth mother because of a fist fight! What! I'm used to watching shows where adoptees meet their birth mothers and although we don't know the outcome, what we see is usually amicable.

These two are a mess and both should be on some kind of medication. This birth mother told her daughter's boyfriend that the daugter was cheating on him with her ex boyfriend. What mother does this? The birth mother says that the daughter has problems but clearly both of them should seek some counseling and maybe some medication.

The birth mother is now telling the court that the daughter is on drugs in the same breath as telling how happy she was when they first met. The daughter is showing the court the tee shirt that the BM ripped off of her and left a long scratch. What drama! The BM went into the grandson's room and took back everything she bought the baby! The BM cut up the pictures of the daughter and the grandson. I am sitting in amazement at the behavior these 2 are displaying. But guess what, this is real life. Every reunion is not successful

The birth mother abandoned her daughter at birth and is now abandoning her again as an adult. I want to meet my birth mother but I sure don't want the kind of relationship these two have. It is my prayer that my BM and I can have some sort of relationship but if we can't, at least I hope we can both walk away satisfied that we've at least met. I just want the opportunity to meet her, hopefully sans the drama!

Maybe soon I'll be able to take that Sleigh ride.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

LOVED TO DEATH Short Story Series

I didn't start out to become an author. However, because I was an adoptee with a huge imagination with a passion for reading, I became a writer. I read very few books that dealt with my feelings as an adoptee, so I set out to write the type of stories I could relate to. What resulted was the LOVED TO DEATH Short Story Series.

About LOVED TO DEATH Short Story Series:

Something sinister is happening in Gaston City, Indiana. Will Detective Kenneth Nettles solve the mysteries of the city or is he the cause of the problem?

In LOVED TO DEATH: A Different Kind of Love Story, we meet Morosa Denise McKinley, the adoptive daughter of Morrow and Rose McKinley. Was adoption right for this couple or would they have been better off remaining childless?

In the sequel, LOVED TO DEATH: The Truth Unfolds, Detective Kenneth Nettles who helped solve a 2 year long missing person's case in book #1, has more murders on his hands than he cares to deal with.

In the 3rd and final installment of this series, LOVED TO DEATH: The City Speaks, Detective Kenneth Nettles has to face his own fears in order to protect and serve the people of Gaston City, Indiana as he has been sworn to do.

Purchase your copies today where online books are sold:,, You can also purchase autographed copies from me