Friday, April 15, 2011

Undying Love/Undying Gratitude

There was a time that talking about being adopted was taboo. Now that my adoptive mother and father are deceased I talk about being adopted to whatever audience I can find. An older lady who knew my mother and father, upon hearing that I was looking for my birth mother, called me and told me "your mother and father loved you much". Okay, and???? Was that supposed to mean that I had no rights to my past? Searching for my biology doesn't repudiate their love for me nor mine for them. It simply means I am one of those who wants to know where I came from.

I understand those who don't want to know and wholeheartedly applaude them. I pray for the time when knowing my birth mother no longer matters to me. But right now, I have the need to know. When I talk to you about finding my biology please don't give me reasons why I shouldn't. You can tell me you don't want to have that conversation with me but don't nullify my feelings by trying to explain them away. The one thing that sticks in my crawl and just won't seem to let go is somebody trying to clarify (to me) what I'm saying. I don't need you to rationalize, analyze, or translate anything. If you can help me resolve the need by giving me information about my biology then please feel free to do so. But I will no longer stay silent, closemouthed or unheard about my feelings.

Yes I am grateful to Clay C. and Irene (Thompson) Elmore for adopting me. I love them and I felt the love they had for me. I owe them a debt of gratitude for adopting me and giving me the best life they knew how to give. However, that love and gratitude won't let me forgive them for not getting more information about how I came to be in order to enlighten me if/when the time came.

Adoptive parents, yes and that includes those who think they will never have issues with their children, get the information for your child(ren). If you never need it..fine but if/when you do, you'll have it handy and may be able to save yourselves the heartache of having a child who may never be able to forgive you.

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