Rules and Regulations

I'm watching an episode of Dateline and a mother who's daughter was raped and murdered is fighting to have people who have been convicted of a sexual crime give DNA on a regular basis. The reason being, is that the DNA would be on file to check against when a crime has been committed that the police are having trouble solving. Great idea! But let's take it a little further, a mother that chooses to give her baby up for adoption should be required by law to give updated medical information every so many years. Then an adoptee who is having hard to diagnose medical issues could look to the updated medical files to get pertinent information. I'm sure there are other groups of people who need information for different reasons just like I do.

Just think, a mother can make the decision to give up a baby and walk away scott free.. live a life uninterrupted. Sure she has to live with her decision but there are no legal repercussions for her to deal with. Actually, giving up a baby for adoption without leaving some kind of information for later use should be deemed a crime. Yes, I said it and I mean it. It should be a crime to be able to get married, have other children and live happily ever after, while the adoptee goes through a myriad of emotions and feelings created by being given away. Okay, so she thinks about me from time to time, she may even remember my birthday, but she goes on and lives her happy little life after she has me and can reach out to me if she chooses. Something just seems wrong about that concept.

I know there are those of you who will bring up the fact that she may have been forced to give me up or she may have been raped and all that but she is still my birth mother and she owes me something: an explanation, an apology, a hello, a kiss my .... well you know what I'm saying. Okay L. Sleigh from South Carolina it's your turn!

Puzzled Piece

The universe, the earth, the continents, the states, the cities, the residents, you and me are all pieces of a huge puzzle. The pieces all fit together to form a "more perfect union." That's how God works. He put everything together and together everything forms a magnificent picture. And while I would never question what God does I do question where my piece fits in. I am the puzzled piece. I'm the one who doesn't know where I fit in. I know where others want my piece to fit and I know where others have forced my piece to fit but without the whys and the wherefores, I'm clueless as to my part in that bigger picture.

That's what adoption has done to me, it leaves the maddening noise of magnified emptiness. A noise so loud it dominates all of the space around me. I don't want to sound obsessed by my adoption, but I am obsessed. I can think of other things but those thoughts are all squeezed together to make room for the question "who am I?"

Spiritually I know I have been adopted into the body of Christ. Physically I know I have been adopted into the family that took me in. Mentally I realize none of this. It's not that I don't want to know that I belong somewhere, it's that I feel like a motherless child: a long, long way from home.



An excerpt from Puzzled Piece (projected release date Christmas of 2011)

Copyright©2010 Rosa Elmore Ferguson

Finally

The greatest thing that has happened to me lately is the ability to discuss my feelings about being adopted. Growing up, it was such a secret, everybody knew but me. I love my parents, the parents who adopted me and nurtured me as best they could, but their passing has given me the freedom to finally open up and discuss my feelings. When I finished writing my first two short stories I knew I would have to market them, but never in my life would I have guessed that I would have to expose myself the way I have. It's a different feeling, but a great feeling. I feel free. If I never find my birth mother or anyone in my birth family at least I have found me! I have found my voice! I will continue my discussions about how potential adoptive parents need to discover why they want to adopt before adopting. There needs to be legislation forcing potential adoptive parents to be tested (at least lie detected) to determine the truths about why they want to adopt.

I've said it before and I will say it again, everybody who adopts a child is not doing it for the right reasons. The purest of all reasons would be to give love to a child for whatever reason needs to be loved. But too often, that's not the reason. And the other reasons are plenty: to keep a marriage together, one of the couple can't have children, the martyr syndrome, and the list could go on and on.

I just want people to think before adopting.

Are You My Mother?

I've heard women say they've become their mothers. Not surprising since those women had their mothers as role models. So my question is this, is the phenomenon of turning into our mothers an innate action or is it something to be learned? Is the woman I've turned into a replica of my adoptive mother or have I inherited the traits of my biological mother? Or is it possible for me to be a compilation of both women? I remember reading Are You My Mother? by P.D. Eastman, where the baby bird hatched while the mother bird was away and the baby sets out to find her. Along the way, the baby asks a dog, a cow and an airplane "are you my mother?"

These are the types of questions adoptees have to ask and almost never get an answer to. Sometimes it is up to us to choose what we want to become. Our efforts to become that person sometimes go awry. We sometimes get confused about what we are to become and how to become that person. Things don't always work right in the minds of the adoptees.

I've always dreamed of being a successful wife and mother but I couldn't be a good mother because I never learned to be a good daughter. Children are what they learn. What I learned was that I needed to find my roots so I could embrace what I was meant to be.

LOVED TO DEATH Blog Tour

Thanks to everyone who stopped by ALL THE BUZZ to chat with me. You asked some soul searching questions, but I had fun! Join me tomorrow as I will be on Shelia Goss' blog site!

LOVED TO DEATH Blog Tour Continues!

Join me today at ALL THE BUZZ blog site for the second day of my blog tour! Let's discuss LOVED TO DEATH: A Different Kind of Love Story and LOVED TO DEATH: The Truth Unfolds, writing in general and my quest to find my birth parents! Go to www.rosaferguson.com for blog site links and the schedule.

LOVED TO DEATH Blog Tour

LOVED TO DEATH BLOG TOUR STARTS TODAY!!!!

Join me on my 10 day LOVED TO DEATH Blog Tour!!!! See www.rosaferguson.com for the blog sites and the schedule!

Let's talk about LOVED TO DEATH: A Different Kind of Love Story and LOVED TO DEATH: The Truth Unfolds! Ask questions about the books, ask questions about my quest to find my biology..