FAITH

Have I become so accustomed to the disappointment of the unsuccessful search for L. Sleigh of South Carolina that I've lost faith that God's will is actually being done? Perhaps it is not His will that I find my birth mother or maybe He has appointed a specific time for me to find her and that time has not come yet? Great is His faithfulness and mercy toward me and I have to remain faith-filled that if my search is fruitful it will only be if God says so.

If I could trust God for the perfect house and the perfect car, shouldn't I trust Him for everything else? Perhaps my motives for wanting to find my birth mother are the reasons I'm not successful in my search. Do I really want to know her or do I want her to know me so she can see what she's missed by not being in my life? Am I being selfish for wanting to know who gave me life? Is it my right as a human to know where I came from? Am I asking too much by wanting to know who I am?

Thanksgiving is a time of reflection and giving thanks. I have so much to be thankful for in fact, I've been incredibly blessed but when I start the reflecting process it brings me back to L. Sleigh of South Carolina.

These are just my thoughts as the Sleigh ride continues.

Invisible

Adoptees are not invisible! Okay, now you're asking yourself "what is she talking about now?" Well, I'll tell you. When I was a little girl, I remember people talking about me in front of me like I wasn't there, like they couldn't see me. Better yet, like I was less than human because of my "circumstances." Through no fault of my own and for reasons I don't understand, I was conceived, born and given away. Everyone who knew about my being adopted would speak to my Mother and Father about me like they had gone to the store and bought a chicken to cook. Although vaguely, I remember phrases like, "where did you get her?" "is she from Muncie?" "how old was she when you got her?" "do you know anything about her?" etc. Can you imagine hearing grown folks who are supposed to know better or at least know how to use tact in front of a child asking questions about me like I didn't exist? I now know why I have feelings of not belonging, no one would allow me to belong. I was an outcast simply because I was born.

I so want to get off of the Sleigh ride, but it keeps going, going, going and won't release me