We've all heard about the "twin thing" where identical twins feel each other's pains and emotions. We've even heard about it happening with mothers and daughters and fathers and sons. So my question is this: does my birth mother feel my emotions and my pain? Could the times I've been at my lowest ebb been as a result of me feeling my birth mother's pain or my birth father's emotions. I've given a lot of thought to feelings and pains in the last few weeks because of some medical issues I'm dealing with. If only I could be made aware of the medical history of my birth mother or father, perhaps some of my issues could be prevented.
I saw a television show the other day where the baby was taken from the birth mom because the mother was sixteen years old. That I can understand but my birth mother was 19 when she had me. An adult. Someone who could've made decisions for herself. Had she wanted me she could've kept me and raised me on her own. These thoughts are the ones that cause me the most pain. Pain and negative emotions affect and effect our health. The altered state that is created by removing a child from its' biological root causes negativity and negativity causes our bodies to react in ways our minds can't comprehend and vice versa: our minds can't always identify what the body is telling it and thus, illnesses are formed.
My prayer is that the next birth mom who gets pregnant and decides that for whatever reason that she doesn't want, can't keep or shouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place, decides to give her child away to possible complete strangers, she will think about the effect she has had on her child's future health.
Think about it L. Sleigh as I go to surgery next week.
Perhaps I'm a Sleigh ride away from finding myself.
Showing posts with label adult adoptee. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adult adoptee. Show all posts
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Poignant Quote!
How simple a thing it seems to me that to know ourselves as we are, we must know our mothers' names. -Alice Walker
How interesting this quote is to one who is trying to find their roots. L. Sleigh is the only name I know. I sure wish she'd try to find me!
How interesting this quote is to one who is trying to find their roots. L. Sleigh is the only name I know. I sure wish she'd try to find me!
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Interview with an Adult Adoptee 61/F
Puzzled Piece
Adult Adoptee Interview
Age : 61
Gender: F
1. What age were you when you were adopted?
age 6
2. In what State were you adopted?
North Carolina
3. Was your adoption open or closed?
closed
4. How old were you when you were first informed about your adoption?
age 4. I met my adopted parents then, and they took me home with them for a “trial”.
5. Have you considered searching for anyone from your birth family?
I have searched for years.
6. Did you inform your adoptive parents of your plans to search?
No. My adopted mother had already hired a private detective when I was a child to look for my birth parents because, as she said, I looked too much like my adopted family not to have some roots there (my foster mother was her aunt – there were many secrets & skeletons in their closets).
7. Were your adoptive parents supportive in your search?
They died before I began my search.
8. Have you actually started your search?
I began when I was 27.
9. Do you know any member of your birth family?
Not that I know of (see question #6).
10. Were you adopted with a sibling? (If yes, male or female sibling?)
No.
The following questions were asked to get a better understanding of some hereditary conditions that may have been avoided if the adoptee had access to their medical history
Autoimmune Diseases: No
Cancer: No
Diabetes: No
Hair Loss: A little
Heart Health: Rheumatic fever at age 6 months. Heart murmur. High blood pressure. Angina
Lung Health: Pleurisy
Menopause: Of course!
Mental Health: Diagnosed as manic-depressive at age 13
Multiple Sclerosis: No
Reproductive Health: I have 4 kids!
Sarcoidosis: Not that I know of.
In your own words how do you feel about being adopted?
"I feel cheated. I wanted to stay with my foster parents (and they wanted me to, (but it was not allowed in those days). I thought that, since they were related to my adoptive parents, I would be allowed to see them but, after they had visited only once, I was told that they couldn’t come any more. I cried inconsolably for a very long time. After my adoptive parents died, I visited my foster parents often and took my children to meet them & play at their farm.
When I read your book Loved to Death, except for the fact that I am alive, I felt that you had been the fly on my wall all of my adopted life. My mother reminded me often that she had never wanted children and showed me her hysterectomy scar whenever she was angry with me to prove it (my foster parents wanted to keep me but couldn’t, according to law, so they begged my mother & father to adopt me to keep me in the family), My daddy loved me to pieces, but wasn’t allowed to touch, hold or kiss me because “all men are only after one thing”, according to my adoptive mother. Therefore, I don’t remember ever being kissed or hugged, or told that I was loved during my entire childhood. My mother passed away first, and it was after that that my daddy then lavished all the love he had wanted to, all those years, on me. But by then I was grown and it was awkward and though I tried, I just didn’t know how. I am only just these past 2 or 3 years learning how to say “I love you” to my children & grandchildren as well as to hug them and outwardly express love & emotion.
I still think of my birth mother & father almost every day and wonder if they are still alive and think of me sometimes. After my adoptive parents died, my foster mom told me all she remembered about them, but she had never learned their names, as it was forbidden for her to talk to them. But she did hear them talking to me, even as a baby, and knew they both loved me, especially my father, who wanted to keep me and raise me, but my mother’s family (who were very wealthy), filed some sort of court document stating that he was not my father and demanding that he give up all rights ( my mother was only around 17, and my father was a soldier). It was even forbidden that they come to visit me, but after the courts found out that they were and demanded that they stop, my mother’s sister still came to see me until I was old enough to remember her visits (around 2 or 3).
Yes, I feel like a big, important, chunk of my life was denied to me, and there is a hole where there should have been sweet memories."
Puzzled Piece and Rosa Elmore Ferguson would like to thank this participant for her candid answers about being adopted. It is my desire that these interviews will give voice to adult adoptees who were silenced for so long!
Adult Adoptee Interview
Age : 61
Gender: F
1. What age were you when you were adopted?
age 6
2. In what State were you adopted?
North Carolina
3. Was your adoption open or closed?
closed
4. How old were you when you were first informed about your adoption?
age 4. I met my adopted parents then, and they took me home with them for a “trial”.
5. Have you considered searching for anyone from your birth family?
I have searched for years.
6. Did you inform your adoptive parents of your plans to search?
No. My adopted mother had already hired a private detective when I was a child to look for my birth parents because, as she said, I looked too much like my adopted family not to have some roots there (my foster mother was her aunt – there were many secrets & skeletons in their closets).
7. Were your adoptive parents supportive in your search?
They died before I began my search.
8. Have you actually started your search?
I began when I was 27.
9. Do you know any member of your birth family?
Not that I know of (see question #6).
10. Were you adopted with a sibling? (If yes, male or female sibling?)
No.
The following questions were asked to get a better understanding of some hereditary conditions that may have been avoided if the adoptee had access to their medical history
Autoimmune Diseases: No
Cancer: No
Diabetes: No
Hair Loss: A little
Heart Health: Rheumatic fever at age 6 months. Heart murmur. High blood pressure. Angina
Lung Health: Pleurisy
Menopause: Of course!
Mental Health: Diagnosed as manic-depressive at age 13
Multiple Sclerosis: No
Reproductive Health: I have 4 kids!
Sarcoidosis: Not that I know of.
In your own words how do you feel about being adopted?
"I feel cheated. I wanted to stay with my foster parents (and they wanted me to, (but it was not allowed in those days). I thought that, since they were related to my adoptive parents, I would be allowed to see them but, after they had visited only once, I was told that they couldn’t come any more. I cried inconsolably for a very long time. After my adoptive parents died, I visited my foster parents often and took my children to meet them & play at their farm.
When I read your book Loved to Death, except for the fact that I am alive, I felt that you had been the fly on my wall all of my adopted life. My mother reminded me often that she had never wanted children and showed me her hysterectomy scar whenever she was angry with me to prove it (my foster parents wanted to keep me but couldn’t, according to law, so they begged my mother & father to adopt me to keep me in the family), My daddy loved me to pieces, but wasn’t allowed to touch, hold or kiss me because “all men are only after one thing”, according to my adoptive mother. Therefore, I don’t remember ever being kissed or hugged, or told that I was loved during my entire childhood. My mother passed away first, and it was after that that my daddy then lavished all the love he had wanted to, all those years, on me. But by then I was grown and it was awkward and though I tried, I just didn’t know how. I am only just these past 2 or 3 years learning how to say “I love you” to my children & grandchildren as well as to hug them and outwardly express love & emotion.
I still think of my birth mother & father almost every day and wonder if they are still alive and think of me sometimes. After my adoptive parents died, my foster mom told me all she remembered about them, but she had never learned their names, as it was forbidden for her to talk to them. But she did hear them talking to me, even as a baby, and knew they both loved me, especially my father, who wanted to keep me and raise me, but my mother’s family (who were very wealthy), filed some sort of court document stating that he was not my father and demanding that he give up all rights ( my mother was only around 17, and my father was a soldier). It was even forbidden that they come to visit me, but after the courts found out that they were and demanded that they stop, my mother’s sister still came to see me until I was old enough to remember her visits (around 2 or 3).
Yes, I feel like a big, important, chunk of my life was denied to me, and there is a hole where there should have been sweet memories."
Puzzled Piece and Rosa Elmore Ferguson would like to thank this participant for her candid answers about being adopted. It is my desire that these interviews will give voice to adult adoptees who were silenced for so long!
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