Robert Thompson: When Death Hits Close To Home

Today, I awakened early to put a post on Facebook to give encouragement to a family who tragically and unexpectedly lost one of their loved ones only to find out I had lost a dear friend and relative. I have to admit I was shaken to the core over his untimely passing. And although I hated to receive the news on a Facebook post, I'm thankful because I still haven't heard from any of my family members informing me that he had died.

I was recently hospitalized three times in three months for a devastating and potentially life threatening illness and thought "there but for the grace of God, go I." When i saw the post on FB, I was saddened, then I found myself getting angry over the fact that none of my friends or family members bothered to call me to personally give me the news, then a "peace that passed all understanding" fell over me because what's done is done and I can't change it.

There are five stages of grief we go through: the first is denial. I can't deny the fact that God decided to take my loved one home. Number two is anger. Are we really angry that the person died or are we angry because of the reactions or non reactions of others (in my case, no one contacting me). The third stage is bargaining. I have nothing to bargain with. Would I trade places with the one who God has chosen to take home, probably not. The fourth stage is depression. I can't allow myself to become depressed as it wouldn't serve any purpose. Also it could cause me health problems I'm not prepared to deal with. And the fifth is acceptance. In just a few short hours, I've accepted my cousin's passing because I know he had completed everything God had for him to do on earth. There were more things I wish my cousin and friend could have done but it wasn't up to me.

I pray for his mother, his children and grandchildren. I pray for his friends and loved ones. I pray for the city of Muncie who just lost a valuable asset to their community.

This is another one "gone too soon"

Name Chage

On Sunday I changed the name of my blog site to Puzzle Pieces. I had grown weary of writing in a blog that read Just A Sleigh Ride Away (from finding myself). I was finding myself, I just didn't realize it. I thought by searching for my birth mother, I would find out more about myself. What I learned was that it wasn't the search that allowed me to find me, it was the ability to discuss being adopted openly and without fear of hurting some body's feeling. Keeping quiet only served to hurt me.

All of us have opinions about everything, they remind me of pieces of a puzzle. But unless those opinions are given a voice the puzzle will never be complete, questions will never be asked and answers will never be discovered. Today while out and riding I saw a church sign that read "Is life a puzzle? Ask God for the missing piece." That was enough confirmation to let me know I had changed my blog site name to the right one.

All we need to do is ask God, He's the answer to every puzzle.

NAME CHANGE!

My blog name has been changed!!! I created this blog in an effort to discuss my feelings about finding my birth mother L. Sleigh. I'm sure you all got as tired of reading about those thoughts as I did writing them! While blogging under the old name of Just A Sleigh Ride Away (from finding myself)I happen to find myself!

So now I will blog about various topics and life in general. Our random thoughts are pieces to a larger puzzle, we all have them. The puzzle will never be complete if we don't give those thoughts a voice. I hope you will find my opinions exciting enough to continue following me. And those who haven't clicked the 'join this site' button, please do, I just may talk about something you want to hold a conversation about. I may even say something you wanted to say but were too shy to do so!

Be blessed and more importantly be a blessing!

Rosa

Kimberly R. Nelson

Today I'm sad! Residents of Muncie, Indiana (my home town) have been searching for Kimberly R. Nelson, a 40 year old mother of two. This past week they found her body, hanging from a low branch on a tree and on her knees. I just don't believe she would hang herself. She had a great job, a boyfriend who loved her. Her mother and father were still living and more importantly she was the mother of 2 children. I refuse to believe she would decide to take her own life.

Now that her death has been called a suicide there will be no searching for the person or persons who may have had something to do with her death. They claim she walked approximately a mile on a walking trail and then ventured 200 yards into the woods where she met her demise (supposedly).

How often do we hear of women walking along a trail get attacked and possibly murdered. I've seen the FBI get involved for a lot less. Why are the authorities in Muncie so quick to say this was a suicide? Is it because she is a woman of color and missing women of color are treated much differently? I'm angry about this. I wish this had a different ending. I don't know Kimberly R. Nelson but I pray God gives her family the strength to get through this most trying time and a peace that passes all understanding. My heart and prayers go out to them.

Lord, Help Me Bite My Tongue

Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips (Psalm 141.3) Lord, I need you to do this for me right now! We claim we do things "out of the goodness of our hearts" but do we really? How many times have you done something and gotten angry because someone else took the credit for it? How long do we stay angry about it? Most importantly, how many times has that anger made us miss out on the blessing God had in store for us during that time? I have to admit that from time to time, it gets to me and it did tonight. But I'm not going to let it take control. I'm moving on. Oh, I'll keep doing what I do, but once I do it, it's done and I go to the next adventure God has for me!

I remember a song that Walter Hawkins used to sing called Whatever It is (It Won't Let Me Hold My Peace). The song says, "whatever it is, it makes me love my enemies."

So Lord, tonight keep the door of my lips and please set a watch before my mouth.

Be blessed and more importantly be a blessing. I'm out!

Getting Older

I had the opportunity to talk to a dear friend this morning about their aging parent. Most of us have been there and those who haven't will be one day. Our parents, if still alive, are getting older. The ability to deal with an aging parent isn't easy and your duties may change from day to day. Some day you may be a caregiver, some days, you may be their child, sometimes, you will be their friend; the dynamics are constantly changing. We have to keep in mind that as our parents age, their health, their attitudes, and their feelings, may change. We are expected to be able to deal with all of those issues and it's hard to keep up with all of the changes.

I worked with a man years ago who made a statement I will never forget. He said that he was afraid of growing old and if he lived passed 75, he would commit suicide. I thought what he said was strange, but as I grow older I understand better what he was trying to convey. Now don't get me wrong, I have no intentions of ever killing myself, but the older I get, the more afraid I become of what my body will or won't do. What he said made me think. As a person ages they can become more and more cantankerous and we don't know from one day to the next what mood they will be in. Keep in mind they too may be afraid of what is happening to them. Their bodies are changing, their eye sight is probably changing. They may not be able to hear as well as they used to. Their words may not come out the way they want them to. They may be afraid of dying. I'm not talking about the fear of going to heaven or hell (that's a different subject) but the actual physicality of not being here. And because we never know when death will come, everyday to them, could be their last.

Most of us can't run out and obtain a college degree in how to deal with the aged, but we can imagine what we will feel like when we get to be our parent's age. Afterall, growing old is right around the corner for a lot of us and for some of us, it's on the same street.

Goodbyes

In January, I lost a friend; a very dear friend. She was older than me. In fact, she was about the same age as my birth mother. She was sick for a while but her dying came so suddenly and so unexpectedly. All these months later, I still hurt at the mention of her. She was the person who made me feel loved like a daughter. She spoke about things I could've never talked to my adoptive mother about. I often wonder what kind of relationship my birth mother and I would have had. Would we have been distant, speaking only when things were good or when things were bad? Would we have laughed with each other or even at each other when appropriate. I didn't get the opportunity to tell her goodbye.

I have the same feeling about losing her as I do my birth mother. I never got to say goodbye. I never had the chance to say godbye to the woman whose womb I developed in. I never got to experience the essence of my mother's fragrance; the scent I became accustomed to while growing in the dark space of her being. I never got to behold her face or feel the warmth of being rocked in the cradle of her arms. All of those factors were the influences on my wellspring that made me what I've become. But what would I have been had I grown up with my birth mother? What could I have been? Am I the best that I could be? I've heard it said we can never be 100% of anything if we don't know the percentage we started with. Without having the information about my biology, I may never know the portion of the amount I'm dealing with.

As a child, we didn't talk about me being adopted so I didn't know how to process the feelings that I'm now dealing with. I couldn't truly appreciate the love my adoptive parents had for me and I'm sure they loved me, but the love my older friend showed me allowed me to finally feel what every daughter should feel. Thank you Mama Janet.

Another Beautiful Sonday/Learning to Listen

I have to admit, I haven't gotten a lot done today but sometimes the body and the mind just need to rest. We clutter our lives with so many things we don't give ourselves the time we need to heal and rejuvenate. There are times we need to sit back, relax, drink a cup of hot tea, play some soothing music and listen to our own thoughts. God will speak to us in the midst of our thoughts. He may be ready to tell you something you need to hear; a blessing you've been blocking, a break through, maybe even a set up for a come back! I'm a list writer, in fact, just this morning I discovered that my list writing has become an obsession because I found lists in three or four different places in my house. Some of the lists were duplicates of other lists. I bring up the lists because they prove my mind is too cluttered; so filled with "junk" I have to write things down to keep from forgetting. Who has time to do that much thinking. The lists showed me my mind needs to rest. Simply rest!

I noticed too that I keep several televisions on everyday as though I'm afraid of missing something. I have missed something; me! Perhaps we need to turn off the distractions such as television and digital games so we can hear our thoughts. We need to "fix" ourselves so we can be a blessing to others. If it's not meant for us to hep others, we can at least be open to listening to them. By putting yourselves out there for others, we open the doors to our acts of favor from God. I'm amazed daily at how God has truly had mercy on me, even through times of tribulation, He was blessing me.

So big ups to another beautiful Sonday! Thanks again God for another day!

Apologies

I will never, I repeat, I will never apologize for the life God has blessed me with. And I will not give anyone permission to try to steal my joy. I celebrate everyday the blessings I have been entrusted with. I celebrate Him for those things that would normally bring me to my knees. Jeremiah 1:5 tells me He knew me before He formed me in my mother's womb and He and only He knew what I could handle. And just when it seems the load is too heavy to bear and I've gone as far as I could, He steps in and gives me the strength to keep on going. I praise Him for my setbacks because those are the setups for comebacks. I will bless the Lord at all times: His praise shall continually be in my mouth (Psalm 34:1).

I will apologize only to God for not taking time to thank Him oten enough for continually blessing me. According to John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." What father would do that? No human father that I know of; only God. I don't want to sound preachy but He's brought me from a mighty long way.

To my birth father, I love you. I wish we could've known each other. I often wonder if you ever knew about me. I've been a secret on so many levels. But to God I was no secret nor was I a mistake.

And for all of that I thank Him!